I Told You I Hated New York
Read an excerpt from music journalist Molly Louise Hudelson’s new book, I Told You I Hated New York, here!
Excerpt
Stuck in the Outfield November 2016 – New York, NY
When you’re young, you start idolizing people. You discover musicians, actors, and athletes, and you connect with and feel inspired by them. They become your heroes; you want to learn everything about them and follow their careers, and most of all, you want to meet them.
I discovered Good Charlotte’s music when I was 11 years old; my friend Natalie played their songs when I was over at her house, and I liked them, so I used my allowance to buy their CD, The Young & The Hopeless, at Sam Goody (remember Sam Goody?). I played that CD on repeat, and they became my first favorite band (far more than the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Ricky Martin, or Sugar Ray ever would) because they understood me. I signed up for Myspace and added their page, and I read every interview they did that I could get their hands on. I remember drafting letters where I told them how much their music meant to me—how comforting it was to have songs that made me feel welcomed when I was bullied and left out at school, songs that made me feel a little less lonely—and wanting so badly to be able to meet them and tell them in person.
And then you grow up a little, and they tell you never to meet your heroes. The implication, I suppose, is that they’ll always disappoint. Regardless of what they may say in interviews, they don’t write their own songs, they’re rude, they’re snobby, they’re stuck up, they’re just in it for the money, and they don’t really care about their fans. The point is, it’s safer to admire them from afar.
I grew up a little (or a lot, depending on how you look at it), and Good Charlotte was still my favorite band. Every situation I was going through, it seemed there was a GC song that fit. I started struggling with depression, and I started cutting myself. I thought about suicide, and as someone who felt like I’d dedicated myself to being a Good Charlotte fan, a part of me felt like I owed it to them—and myself—to hold on. I was smart, but especially once I got to high school, I was never number one at anything. I was never the best. I had big dreams of doing something important—it changed from being a musician to being a writer (and back and forth again and again) to working in the music industry to being a music journalist—but I always knew I wanted to make an impact, to do something exciting, to share my love of music and to share my writing with the world, but nobody really believed in me. Despite selling millions of records, Good Charlotte was never loved by critics and they faced so much criticism and doubt; they were underdogs, too. We were both stuck in the outfield.
In 2005, I saw Good Charlotte for the first time at the Noise To The World Tour in Philadelphia, with Simple Plan. They were amazing, and I couldn’t believe I was seeing them in person. Then in 2006, I saw them on their headlining tour, this time at Starland Ballroom; again, it was a great show. I next saw them in 2010, when they played on the Bamboozle Roadshow. After that, I didn’t see GC again until this summer on Warped Tour. I met Paul and Joel briefly, but I didn’t get to talk to them much.
Good Charlotte is currently on their first proper US headlining tour in years, the Youth Authority Tour. I went to their show in New York City this Monday with my friend Sam. She had bought two tickets and VIP soundcheck, meet & greet, and sidestage passes and asked me to join her. We bonded over our shared love of GC years ago at music camp, so I’m glad we could experience them together.
First was the soundcheck / Q&A. They played “Seasons,” which has always had a very special place in my heart. Then fans got to ask questions. The theme through all the questions and answers was their fans. It’s hard to believe a group of people can be so genuine, but when one girl started crying as she just tried to thank them, you could tell they cared. One girl asked why they had gotten back together after being on a hiatus for four or five years, and it all came back to everything feeling right again. It was honest, and they wanted the band to feel like theirs again. And then we lined up for the meet and greet, and then Sam went, and then finally it was my turn. After 14 years of listening to their music, I finally got to meet Good Charlotte and thank them for how much they helped me. I showed them my tattoo—“It says, ‘let the music play,’ and I got it to cover self-harm scars when I was five years clean.” First Paul, then Billy, then Benji and Joel and Dean. I got to tell them that their music had helped me through a lot; I got to thank them for that. But the coolest part was when they all said, “that’s amazing, congratulations, keep up the good work,” like they really did care. It felt really good to be able to share that with them and to hear their encouragement to keep at it.
After the openers—Big Jesus, Four Year Strong, and The Story So Far—we met at the merch table and were escorted to sidestage. Oh my god, it was happening! The set started with “The Anthem” and “The Story of my Old Man,” and I was ecstatic. God, I love this band.
And then they introduced a song that they’d written when they were struggling, and life didn’t seem to be going their way, but they kept going- it was “Motivation Proclamation” and I cried the whole way through. The next song, they said, was one for people who had felt like they wanted to give up, that things will always get better. The song was “Hold On,” and I cried my eyes out the entire time. I was so grateful to be alive and to be there experiencing their music at that moment. Benji and Joel looked at me a few times during those songs, and it would’ve been awkward, but it wasn’t—it was knowing I was one of the many fans that share a story with them and knowing it means as much to them as it means to me. Knowing that so many other people have felt inspired by their music made it even more special—it made it real, and it made me feel not alone.
Soon after I finished crying, I felt someone tap on my shoulder, so I turned around- it was my friend Geoff from Waterparks! They had a day off on tour, so his whole band was there. We had a quick hug, and I turned back to the set. Then it was just about time for “The Outfield,” my favorite song from Youth Authority because it makes me feel understood—that they were stuck in the outfield and so many things were weighing them down, but now, here they are today, playing a show in Times Square in New York City.
It was pretty damn special. I grew up idolizing Good Charlotte, and when I met them after 14 years of being a fan, I saw for myself that they were everything I’d expected them to be. They were kind, and they cared about their fans—they cared to hear my story and were genuinely proud of me—and they’re in it because they love this. They tell you never to meet your heroes, that they’ll only disappoint you; but I met mine, and they were everything I’d hoped they were. I guess you can say I picked a good favorite band.
Be sure to pick up a copy of I Told You I Hated New York to read the rest!
